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by Bex Caputo

A Yes/No/Maybe list is a common tool in kink circles for negotiating scenes, but really, you could use it to negotiate… pretty much anything. It’s simple, each person involved in the negotiation takes a list of activities/terms/food items etc. and sorts each one into one of three columns: Yes, No, or Maybe. Then the partners reconvene and discuss where their yeses overlap. The goal here is to focus on the things you can do together and not dwell on the nos, You should NEVER try to talk someone out of their no or expect them to explain it to you, though they may choose to.


Your Yes/No/Maybe List is not a contract, it’s not consent, and it’s not set in stone. Your Yes/No/Maybe List is a tool to use in an ongoing conversation about all the sexy things you want to do together. It can be revisited often, as people’s preferences can fluctuate, and it’s a fun way to get new ideas and reflect on your own desires.

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