The Orgasm Gap: Why It Exists, What It Means, and How We Close It

When it comes to sexual satisfaction, there’s one major issue that continues to fly under the radar: the orgasm gap. Despite increased attention to women’s pleasure in recent years, research still shows a stark disparity between how often men and women orgasm during heterosexual sex.

As a sex therapist, I see the emotional toll this can take—frustration, confusion, self-blame, and the sense that something is wrong. But here's the truth: if you’re a woman struggling to orgasm during partnered sex, the problem isn’t you—it’s our culture. And the good news? We can change that.

In this post, I’ll explain what the orgasm gap is, what causes it, and evidence-based ways to create more satisfying, equitable sexual experiences for all. And if you'd rather watch than read, feel free to check out my YouTube video on this topic! 

The emotional impact of cultural pressures on intimacy is heavy during a time of distraction and disconnection, emphasizing the potential for transformation through understanding and communication.

What Is the Orgasm Gap?

The “orgasm gap” refers to the consistent research finding that men orgasm more frequently than women during heterosexual partnered sex.

One study found that 91% of heterosexual men reported orgasming during their most recent sexual encounter, compared to just 64% of heterosexual women (Herbenick et al., 2010). That’s nearly a 30-point difference.

And this gap widens depending on the context:

• In casual hookups, only 10–32% of women orgasm compared to 31–81% of men.

• Women who have sex with women report significantly higher orgasm rates than women who have sex with men (Frederick et al., 2018; Blair et al., 2017).

These discrepancies tell us the issue isn’t about anatomy—it’s about the conditions and dynamics of sex.

Research indicates higher orgasm rates for women who have sex with women.

Debunking Biological Myths

Some people believe the orgasm gap is due to biology—that women’s orgasms are “more complicated,” or that women are naturally less orgasmic. But research doesn’t support this claim.

Women consistently orgasm more often when they’re alone or with female partners. For example:

• 92% of Portuguese women who masturbate report regularly reaching orgasm (Carvalheira & Leal, 2013).

• In contrast, only 29% of women in one classic study said they regularly orgasmed during partnered sex (Laumann et al., 1994).

These findings show that women are absolutely capable of orgasm—it’s the context that changes the outcome. Which brings us to...

Recent studies indicate that a notable percentage of Portuguese women report frequently experiencing orgasms through masturbation.

Sociocultural Factors Behind the Gap

The orgasm gap is driven by deeply ingrained cultural scripts that prioritize male pleasure and penetration over women’s diverse sexual needs.

Let’s break down some of the biggest factors:

1. Overvaluing Intercourse

Heterosexual sex is often defined by penile-vaginal intercourse. Everything else—oral sex, manual stimulation, etc.—is labeled “foreplay,” as if it’s just a warm-up act. This script puts men's orgasm at the center of the experience and assumes women should orgasm from penetration alone.

But here’s the reality: Only about 4% of women say they orgasm reliably from intercourse without clitoral stimulation (Mintz, 2017).

2. Media Misinformation

Porn and pop culture often portray women orgasming quickly and easily from penetration—without any clitoral stimulation at all. In mainstream porn, only 25% of scenes that depict a woman orgasming show clitoral involvement (Séguin et al., 2018).

This skews our expectations and misinforms both women and their partners about what real pleasure looks like.

3. Lack of Entitlement to Pleasure

Many women enter sexual encounters not expecting to orgasm. Instead, they focus on their partner’s satisfaction. Research shows that women often define “good sex” by their partner’s experience—not their own (McClelland, 2011; Goldey et al., 2016).

This mindset makes it harder for women to advocate for the stimulation they need to feel good and reach orgasm.

Clitoral Stimulation & Why It Matters

Let’s make this crystal clear: the clitoris is the most reliable source of orgasmic pleasure for most women.

Studies show that:

• 95% of women in the Hite Report (1976) said they reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation.

• Only 4% reliably reach orgasm from penetration alone (Mintz, 2017).

• Women report more frequent orgasms when intercourse is paired with oral sex, manual stimulation, or clitoral self-stimulation (Frederick et al., 2018).

Yet many women still feel ashamed to ask for clitoral stimulation—or fear hurting their partner’s ego if they don’t orgasm from penetration.

It’s time we normalize clitoral pleasure. It’s not “extra.” It’s essential.

Why Media & Education Make It Worse

Unfortunately, traditional sex education fails to teach people about women’s pleasure. The clitoris is often ignored entirely, and sex is framed around pregnancy prevention or danger—not pleasure.

This leaves a cultural vacuum that porn, peer myths, and outdated gender roles fill. The result? Partners who don’t know what to do, and women who feel broken for not orgasming the “normal” way.

We need to change the script—starting with what we teach young people about sex.

The Role of Entitlement and Communication

A lack of communication about sexual needs is one of the biggest obstacles to orgasm equality. And that communication gap is fueled by deeper issues:

• Women not feeling entitled to their own pleasure

• Men being taught they’re responsible for “giving” orgasms through penetration

• Both partners equating orgasm with success, instead of connection

Research shows that women who feel more entitled to pleasure, who masturbate, and who talk openly with their partners about what feels good are significantly more likely to orgasm during sex (Mintz & Guitelman, 2020).

Closing the Orgasm Gap: What Works

The orgasm gap isn’t inevitable. It’s cultural. And that means we can close it. Here’s how:

✅ Promote Sexual Variety

Mix things up—manual stimulation, oral sex, toys, outercourse. Intercourse doesn’t have to be the main event.

✅ Embrace Turn-Taking Scripts

Try sexual scripts where one partner receives first, then the other. This shifts the dynamic from performance to pleasure.

✅ Encourage Mindfulness

Being present and focused on sensation—not performance—helps reduce anxiety and increase arousal (Brotto et al., 2015).

✅ Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Talk about what feels good. Show your partner. Masturbation can be a great starting point to discover what works for you.

✅ Normalize Clitoral Knowledge

Partners should understand how the clitoris works, how to stimulate it, and why it matters. Cliteracy is sexy.

If you take away one thing, let it be this: the orgasm gap is not your fault.

It’s not about broken bodies—it’s about broken scripts. And as a society, we have the power to rewrite those scripts by prioritizing pleasure, education, and equality.

Whether you’re partnered or solo, queer or straight, young or older—your pleasure matters. And understanding what you need (and how to ask for it) is the first step to closing the gap.

If this resonated with you and you want support on your journey toward a more satisfying and connected sex life, I’m here to help. As a sex and relationship therapist in Orange County, I offer individual and couples sessions, intensives, and self-paced resources for reclaiming your pleasure and deepening intimacy. 

References (APA Style)

Blair, K. L., Cappell, J., & Pukall, C. F. (2017). Not all orgasms were created equal. Journal of Sex Research, 55(6), 719–733.

Carvalheira, A., & Leal, I. (2013). Masturbation among women: Associated factors and sexual response. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 39, 347–367.

Frederick, D. A., St. John, H. K., Garcia, J. R., & Lloyd, E. A. (2018). Differences in orgasm frequency. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47, 273–288.

Herbenick, D., et al. (2010). Sexual characteristics among adults in the U.S. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(Supplement 5), 346–361.

Hite, S. (1976). The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality. New York: Seven Stories Press.

McClelland, S. I. (2011). Who is the "self" in self-reports of sexual satisfaction? Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 8(4), 304–320.

Mintz, L. B. (2017). Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—and How to Get It. HarperOne.

Séguin, L. J., Rodrigue, C., & Lavigne, J. (2018). Consuming ecstasy: Representations of orgasm in mainstream pornography. Journal of Sex Research, 55, 348–356.

About the author

Dr. Holly is a leading expert in sexual health based in Orange County, certified as both a clinical sexologist and AASECT sex therapist. With extensive experience in sex therapy, sexual wellness, and relationship counseling, Holly provides evidence-based insights to clients in Orange County, the state of California and beyond. Recognized for expertise in sexual trauma recovery, sexual dysfunction, and intimacy, Holly is dedicated to empowering individuals with practical advice and research-backed strategies. For more, follow Holly for expert advice on sexual health and relationships.                                

Visit www.thehollywoodsexologist.com to learn more and request a consultation.