What Having a Sex Doll Really Says About Someone (According to Research—and One Very Surprising Therapy Story)

Holly Wood
Sep 16
6 min read

Updated: Sep 23

When you picture someone who owns a sex doll, what comes to mind? For some, the image is shaped by TV shows, late-night jokes, or sensationalized headlines. But the truth is far more complex—and far more interesting.

As a sex therapist, I’ve had clients share some pretty vulnerable things with me. And one of the moments that stands out in my career was the first time a client revealed he owned a sex doll. You might expect me to have been shocked.

Honestly? The doll itself wasn’t the surprising part. What really floored me was that he managed to spend over $10,000 on it and keep it hidden from his wife. (For the record, this blog isn’t about teaching anyone stealth storage tips!)

This topic raises a lot of curiosity—and also a lot of stigma. So today, I want to take you through what the latest research actually says about sex doll ownership, what it may reveal about a person psychologically, and why we need to approach the subject with more nuance and less judgment.

And if you'd rather watch than read, feel free to check out my YouTube video on this topic!

The Rise of the Sex Doll: From Taboo to Talking Point

Sex dolls aren’t new, but their realism has advanced dramatically over the past decade. We’re not just talking about inflatable gag gifts from bachelorette parties. Modern dolls are made from silicone or thermoplastic elastomer, designed to mimic the feel and weight of a human body. They can cost thousands—sometimes tens of thousands—of dollars, and the global market is booming.

Why do people buy them? The obvious answer is sexual gratification. Surveys suggest that’s the top motivation, but not the only one. About one in three doll owners report reasons that aren’t primarily sexual—things like companionship, comfort, or even artistic pursuits like photography.

In other words, it’s not a one-size-fits-all story.

My Therapy Room Anecdote: The Doll That Cost More Than a Car

Let me circle back to that first client who confided in me about owning a doll. When he told me, I kept my therapist face on (therapists reading this, you know the one!). But in my head? I was less focused on the doll and more baffled by the logistics. How do you keep something the size of a human—and the cost of a luxury vacation—secret from your spouse?

That was the moment that stuck with me. Not judgment, not shock, just a kind of amused awe at the lengths people will go to keep certain aspects of their sexuality hidden.

What this story illustrates is that doll ownership is often tied to deeper themes: secrecy, shame, unmet needs, or a longing for control in intimacy. And those are things worth talking about—not just the silicone figure in the closet.

What the Research Actually Shows About Sex Doll Owners

Until recently, most conversations about sex dolls were philosophical or moralistic. Were they dangerous? Did they encourage objectification? Should they be banned?

Finally, in 2022, researchers Craig Harper, Rebecca Lievesley, and Katie Wanless published one of the first empirical studies on sex doll owners in The Journal of Sex Research. They surveyed 158 male doll owners and compared them with 135 non-owners. The results were fascinating—and not what many people expected.

Key Findings

No evidence of higher sexual aggression. Doll owners were less likely to score high on measures of sexual aggression proclivity. In fact, in some cases, ownership was linked to lower risk.
Lower sexual self-esteem. Owners tended to feel less confident about their sexual attractiveness or performance.
More likely to see women as “unknowable.” This doesn’t mean they disliked women. Rather, they often carried beliefs that women were difficult to understand or connect with.
More emotionally stable. Doll owners scored lower on borderline personality traits, suggesting greater emotional steadiness compared to non-owners.
Obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Owners showed higher tendencies toward orderliness and control.

In short: doll owners weren’t the predatory figures society sometimes imagines. The study paints a picture of people who may be a little more cautious, a little less confident, and sometimes using dolls as a safe surrogate when intimacy with real partners feels difficult.

Three Models for Understanding Doll Ownership

The study explored three main ways researchers think about doll ownership:

Dolls as protective. For some, dolls may serve as a safe outlet for fantasies that might feel difficult to enact with a partner. Similar to how pornography can sometimes provide catharsis, dolls may help channel sexual energy in a non-harmful way.
Dolls as risky. On the flip side, some theorists argue that dolls reinforce objectification and unrealistic beauty standards. If someone already holds beliefs like “sex is an entitlement,” dolls could, in theory, amplify that.
Dolls as functional. The middle ground: dolls aren’t inherently risky or protective—they’re simply a tool. They can provide sexual release, companionship, or even emotional comfort, depending on the individual’s needs.

The reality is likely a mix. Just as vibrators or sex toys don’t mean the same thing for every user, sex dolls reflect a variety of motivations and psychological landscapes.

The Psychology Behind the Purchase

So, what does having a sex doll say about someone? Based on research, therapy experience, and clinical interpretation, a few themes emerge:

A longing for safety and predictability. Dolls don’t reject you, criticize you, or surprise you. For someone who has felt burned in relationships, that control can feel reassuring.
Struggles with sexual self-esteem. If someone doubts their desirability, a doll offers a pressure-free way to engage sexually.
Complex relationships with intimacy. Viewing women (or potential partners) as unknowable or hard to connect with may push some toward artificial companionship.
A mix of vulnerability and resourcefulness. While society often caricatures doll owners, the data suggests many are simply trying to meet emotional and sexual needs in the ways available to them.

Why This Matters for Therapy and Relationships

For me, the real takeaway is this: sex dolls aren’t the problem. Shame and secrecy are.

In the case of my client, the challenge wasn’t the doll—it was the hidden $10,000 purchase and the lack of open conversation with his wife. That’s where therapy became important. Because the doll was a stand-in for deeper struggles: unmet intimacy needs, fear of rejection, and a pattern of secrecy.

When clients bring up things like sex dolls, my approach is the same as with any other sexual behavior: curiosity, not condemnation. We explore what the doll represents. Is it about pleasure? Escape? Companionship? Control? Each story is unique.

Working With Me: What to Expect

If you’re reading this because you—or your partner—own a doll and you’re feeling conflicted, here’s what you can expect in my practice.

Intake process: We’ll start with a short phone call to see if we’re a fit. If so, I’ll send intake forms and schedule a first session. In that first meeting, I’ll ask questions to understand your goals, relationship history, and sexual story at your comfort level. No judgment—just context so I can tailor the work.
After care is established: Sessions become more intentional. For individuals, this might involve EMDR to process trauma, EFT to explore attachment wounds, or Gottman-based approaches to reshape intimacy patterns. For couples, it’s often about communication, rebuilding trust, and navigating mismatched desires.
My approach: I bring both clinical rigor and human warmth. My work isn’t surface-level. It’s deep, personalized, and centered on helping you create relationships and sexual experiences that feel safe, connected, and pleasurable.

Shifting the Conversation About Dolls

Here’s the truth: owning a sex doll doesn’t automatically mean someone is “broken,” “creepy,” or “dangerous.” Research shows these stereotypes don’t hold up.

What it might mean is that someone is looking for safety, control, or a sense of intimacy they haven’t been able to find elsewhere. That’s not a moral failing—that’s human.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with them?” a better question might be: “What needs are being met here, and what needs aren’t?”

And if you or your partner are navigating this terrain, therapy can provide a safe, shame-free place to unpack it.

Conclusion

The next time you hear a joke or a sensational headline about sex dolls, remember this: the reality is far more nuanced. Doll owners, on average, are not more dangerous or more aggressive than anyone else. In fact, many are just people trying to navigate intimacy, self-esteem, and emotional safety in a world that makes those things complicated.

As a therapist, I care less about the silicone in the closet and more about the story behind it. And often, that story is one of longing—for connection, safety, and acceptance.

If this resonates, know you don’t have to navigate these questions alone. I offer virtual sessions throughout California and in-person intensives in Mission Viejo. Together, we can work on building the kind of intimate life you actually want.

References

Harper, C. A., Lievesley, R., & Wanless, K. (2022). Exploring the Psychological Characteristics and Risk-related Cognitions of Individuals Who Own Sex Dolls. The Journal of Sex Research, 60(2), 190–205. https://doi-org.ciis.idm.oclc.org/10.1080/00224499.2022.2031848
Valverde, S. (2012). The modern sex doll owner: A descriptive analysis. California Polytechnic State University.
Su, N. M., Lazar, A., Bardzell, J., & Bardzell, S. (2019). Of dolls and men: Anticipating sexual intimacy with robots. ACM Transactions on Computer-Human Interaction, 26(3), 13.

About the author

Dr. Holly is a leading expert in sexual health based in Orange County, certified as both a clinical sexologist and AASECT sex therapist. With extensive experience in sex therapy, sexual wellness, and relationship counseling, Holly provides evidence-based insights to clients in Orange County, the state of California and beyond. Recognized for expertise in sexual trauma recovery, sexual dysfunction, and intimacy, Holly is dedicated to empowering individuals with practical advice and research-backed strategies. For more, follow Holly for expert advice on sexual health and relationships.