Why I Love Sex Toys for Couples: The Benefits You May Not Have Considered

Tools for connection: sex toys can help couples deepen intimacy and rediscover pleasure.

When couples come to see me as a sex and relationship therapist, one of the most common concerns I hear is about desire and intimacy. Life gets busy, stress piles up, bodies change, and sometimes sex starts to feel more like another task than a source of pleasure and connection.

That’s where sex toys can make a real difference. Not just as “fun extras,” but as tools that help couples rekindle intimacy, deepen pleasure, and strengthen their bond. Today, I want to share why I love recommending sex toys for couples, what the research says about their benefits, and how they can fit naturally into a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

The Benefits of Sex Toy Use for Couples

Research consistently shows that sex toys can have a meaningful, positive impact on couples’ sexual health and relationships. Vibrator use, in particular, has been linked to increased arousal, satisfaction, communication, and even healthier sexual behaviors (Herbenick et al., 2009, 2010; Reece et al., 2009, 2010).

Exploring together can bring novelty, connection, and pleasure to your relationship

Here are some of the key benefits:

1. Boosting Pleasure and Arousal

Over half of adult women (53%) and nearly half of adult men (44%) have used a vibrator in their lifetime (Herbenick et al., 2009; Reece et al., 2009). Many women describe vibrators as contributing to more intense orgasms and higher levels of satisfaction—whether alone or with partners (Davis et al., 1996; Fahs & Swank, 2013).

Research also shows a positive correlation between vibrator use and overall sexual function, with users reporting greater arousal and more fulfilling sexual experiences (Herbenick et al., 2009; Reece et al., 2009).

2. Bringing Novelty Back Into the Bedroom

For many couples, long-term relationships bring routine. Sex toys offer novelty, and novelty reignites interest. In one study, men reported that introducing a vibrator added excitement, variety, and anticipation for sexual activity, helping them feel more connected to their partners (Watson et al., 2016).

Novelty isn’t about fixing something broken—it’s about refreshing curiosity and pleasure.

3. Encouraging Communication and Collaboration

Sex toys create opportunities for couples to talk about pleasure. In a nationally representative sample, the vast majority of women reported that their partners were enthusiastic about the introduction of vibrators into partnered sex; only about 10% of partners were unenthusiastic (Davis et al., 1996; Watson et al., 2016).

These conversations—about speed, intensity, or sensations—naturally open the door to more honest and playful discussions about intimacy.

4. Bridging Desire Differences

Differences in desire are among the most common issues I see in couples therapy. Sex toys can help bridge those gaps.

Men in one study noted that vibrators not only enhanced their partners’ pleasure but also reduced the pressure they felt to “give” their partners orgasms, making the experience feel less performative and more connected (Watson et al., 2016).

This kind of shift can relieve tension, balance desire differences, and encourage a more collaborative approach to intimacy.

5. Supporting Sexual Health and Healing

Vibrators are evidence-based tools for addressing sexual dysfunctions, including erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, ejaculatory difficulties, pelvic floor dysfunction, and even vulvar pain (Bakker et al., 2015; Dhar & Nunns, 2009; Graham, 2014; Sobrero et al., 1965; Sonksen & Ohl, 2002; Stein et al., 2014; Zolnoun et al., 2008).

For individuals healing from trauma or coping with pain, vibrators can provide safe, controlled ways to reintroduce pleasure into sexual experiences. They can also be integrated into therapy to help clients rediscover sexual autonomy and reduce anxiety about sexual performance (Striar & Bartlik, 1999; Warkentin et al., 2006).

Why I Personally Love Sex Toys for Couples

What I love about sex toys is that they create collaborative pleasure. Instead of one partner feeling like they have to “perform” or carry the entire responsibility for satisfaction, toys shift the focus back to exploration and play.

They also normalize the idea that pleasure doesn’t have to look one way. For many couples, vibrators and other toys become symbols of teamwork, curiosity, and intimacy.

The Science Supports It

Introducing sex toys can spark connection, enhance pleasure, and deepen intimacy

Here’s a quick snapshot of what the research says:

• More pleasure, more satisfaction: Nearly two-thirds of women use vibrators in both partnered sex and solo play, reporting more intense orgasms and greater satisfaction (Davis et al., 1996; Fahs & Swank, 2013).

• Relationships benefit: 78% of women who used sex toys were in relationships, and married women were twice as likely as single women to use vibrators (Davis & Gerl, 2014).

• Men enjoy them too: Many men (40.5%) reported starting vibrator use to enhance their partner’s pleasure. Studies also show men often experience increased connection, reduced pressure, and even orgasm from vibrator use themselves (Reece et al., 2009, 2010; Watson et al., 2016).

• Better sexual health: Vibrator users are more likely to engage in health-promoting behaviors like gynecological exams, genital self-checks, and testicular exams (Fahs & Swank, 2013; Reece et al., 2009).

• Trauma and healing: Sex toys can help reduce performance anxiety, model new ways to communicate, and support clients with challenges like low libido, body image struggles, or histories of sexual trauma (Striar & Bartlik, 1999; Warkentin et al., 2006).

Practical Tips for Introducing Toys into Your Relationship

Exploring options together online can make introducing sex toys a playful, curiosity-driven experience.

1. Start with Curiosity, Not Pressure Frame toys as an experiment, not a fix. Curiosity invites exploration, while pressure can shut desire down.

2. Pick the Right First Toy External vibrators, couples’ vibrators, or massage tools are great entry points. Choose something non-intimidating.

3. Communicate Openly Ask questions like: “Do you like this speed?” or “Would you want me to try this on you?” Use the toy as a way to deepen connection.

4. Integrate Gradually Start small—during foreplay, for example—and expand as comfort grows.

5. Always Center Consent Every step should feel safe, consensual, and collaborative.

How This Fits into Therapy

In my therapy practice, sex toys are one of many tools I encourage couples to consider. Alongside therapy, we explore not only the physical but also the emotional and relational dimensions of intimacy.

For some couples, toys spark desire that feels responsive rather than spontaneous. For others, they provide a way to heal from shame, trauma, or disconnection. And for many, they simply remind us that sex can (and should) include playfulness.

If you and your partner are looking for ways to enhance the shared experience, I love Lelo’s sex toys! They have great options designed specifically for couples—beautifully crafted, body-safe, and created with connection in mind.

Final Thoughts

Sex toys are not about replacing intimacy—they’re about expanding it. They can reduce pressure, spark novelty, enhance communication, and even support healing.

If you’ve never tried them as a couple, I encourage you to start the conversation. Think of it as adding more tools to your intimacy toolkit—ones that support pleasure, closeness, and joy.

Because at the end of the day, intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about connection. And when couples can explore that connection openly, joyfully, and without shame, they open the door to a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling sexual life.

References

• Bakker, R. M., Vermeer, W. M., Creutzberg, C. L., Mens, J. W. M., Nout, R. A., & ter Kuile, M. M. (2015). Qualitative accounts of patients’ determinants of vaginal dilator use after pelvic radiotherapy. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(3), 764–773.

• Davis, C. M., Blank, J., Lin, H. Y., & Bonillas, C. (1996). Characteristics of vibrator use among women. Journal of Sex Research, 33(4), 313–320.

• Davis, C. L., & Gerl, E. J. (2014). Vibrators: A mainstream product continues to shed its taboo past. Case Studies in Strategic Communication, 3(3).

• Dhar, R., & Nunns, D. (2009). Vulvodynia management. Obstetrics, Gynaecology & Reproductive Medicine, 19(7), 175–177.

• Fahs, B., & Swank, E. (2013). Adventures with the “Plastic Man”: Sex toys, compulsory heterosexuality, and the politics of women’s sexual pleasure. Sexuality & Culture, 17(4), 666–685.

• Graham, C. A. (2014). Orgasm disorders in women. In Y. Binik & K. Hall (Eds.), Principles and practice of sex therapy (5th ed., pp. 89–111). Guilford Press.

• Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., Ghassemi, A., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2009). Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by women in the United States: Results from a nationally representative study. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 6(7), 1857–1867.

• Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., Ghassemi, A., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2010). Women’s vibrator use in sexual partnerships: Results from a nationally representative survey in the United States. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 36(1), 49–65.

• Reece, M., Herbenick, D., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., Ghassemi, A., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2009). Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by men in the United States: Results from a nationally representative study. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 6(7), 1867–1874.

• Reece, M., Herbenick, D., Dodge, B., Sanders, S. A., Ghassemi, A., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2010). Vibrator use among heterosexual men varies by partnership status: Results from a nationally representative study. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 36(5), 389–407.

• Sobrero, A. J., Stearns, H. E., & Blair, J. H. (1965). Technic for the induction of ejaculation in humans. Fertility and Sterility, 16(6), 765–767.

• Sonksen, J., & Ohl, D. A. (2002). Penile vibratory stimulation and electroejaculation in the treatment of ejaculatory dysfunction. International Journal of Andrology, 25(6), 324–332.

• Stein, M. J., Lin, H., & Wang, R. (2014). New advances in erectile technology. Therapeutic Advances in Urology, 6(1), 15–24.

• Striar, S., & Bartlik, B. (1999). Stimulation of the libido: The use of erotica in sex therapy. Psychiatric Annals, 29(1), 60–62.

• Warkentin, K. M., Gray, R. E., & Wassersug, R. J. (2006). Restoration of satisfying sex for a castrated cancer patient with complete impotence: A case study. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 32(5), 389–400.

• Watson, E. D., Séguin, L. J., Milhausen, R. R., & Murray, S. H. (2016). The impact of a couple’s vibrator on men’s perceptions of their own and their partner’s sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Men and Masculinities, 19(4), 370–383.

• Zolnoun, D., Lamvu, G., & Steege, J. (2008). Patient perceptions of vulvar vibration therapy for refractory vulvar pain. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 23(4), 345–353.

About the author

Dr. Holly is a leading expert in sexual health based in Orange County, certified as both a clinical sexologist and AASECT sex therapist. With extensive experience in sex therapy, sexual wellness, and relationship counseling, Holly provides evidence-based insights to clients in Orange County, the state of California and beyond. Recognized for expertise in sexual trauma recovery, sexual dysfunction, and intimacy, Holly is dedicated to empowering individuals with practical advice and research-backed strategies. For more, follow Holly for expert advice on sexual health and relationships.

Visit www.thehollywoodsexologist.com to learn more and request a consultation.