Why People Cheat: What the Andy Byron Coldplay Scandal Reveals About Infidelity

Andy Byron in an intimate moment at a Coldplay concert—raising questions about desire, betrayal, and the hidden reasons people cheat.

When news broke about Astronomer CEO Andy Byron kissing someone at a Coldplay concert—who wasn’t his wife—the internet erupted with judgment, speculation, and confusion. How could someone risk it all for a fleeting moment of intimacy? And why do people cheat, even when they seem to “have it all”?

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, I hear these questions every day. Infidelity is one of the most painful and destabilizing experiences a couple can face—but it’s also one of the most misunderstood.

In this post, we’re diving into the science behind cheating: what motivates it, what it means (and doesn’t mean) about your relationship, and why there’s never a universal explanation for affairs.

And if you'd rather watch than read, feel free to check out my YouTube video on this topic!

The Cultural Curiosity Around Cheating

Infidelity has long been sensationalized—from tabloids to TV dramas—but in real life, it’s messy, painful, and deeply human. The scandal surrounding Andy Byron isn’t an isolated event; it's a public example of something many experience privately. In 2024, Techopedia analyzed all available data on infidelity to create a one-stop guide on available infidelity research and found that nearly 71% of Americans admitting to having cheated. Even more surprising? Over 30% of those affairs involved a coworker.

It’s also no coincidence that so many public figures—like Astronomer CEO Andy Byron—get caught up in high-profile cheating scandals. Research published in Psychological Science found that people in positions of power are more likely to engage in infidelity, regardless of gender. The reason? Power increases confidence—particularly confidence in one’s ability to attract partners. That surge in self-assurance can cloud judgment, decrease perceived risk, and increase the likelihood of acting on sexual or romantic impulses (Lammers et al., 2011). In other words, when the spotlight is on you, and you’re used to people saying yes, the temptation to step outside the bounds of commitment gets amplified. And it’s not just men—this effect held equally true for women in high-power roles.

These numbers may shock some, but they’re consistent with what many therapists and researchers already know: cheating is incredibly common, and it’s rarely as simple as someone just being “bad” or “selfish.”

So why do people cheat?

The 8 Core Motivations for Infidelity

A groundbreaking study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy by Selterman, Garcia, and Tsapelas (2021) explored this question with surprising nuance. Their research surveyed 495 individuals who had engaged in infidelity and found that cheating isn’t driven by a single cause. Instead, they identified eight distinct motivations, each with different emotional and behavioral patterns.

Cheating isn't always about unhappiness—there are many reasons people stray.

1. Anger

Some people cheat to retaliate after feeling hurt by their partner. This might follow an argument, neglect, or even the discovery of their partner’s own infidelity.

2. Sexual Desire

For others, cheating is about unmet sexual needs—wanting more frequent, adventurous, or satisfying sex than what’s available in their current relationship.

3. Lack of Love

This motivation reflects emotional disconnection—feeling unloved, unappreciated, or unsure about the long-term future of the relationship.

4. Low Commitment

People with this motivation may not be fully invested in the relationship to begin with. They might view the partnership as casual or transitional, even if their partner believes otherwise.

5. Esteem

Cheating can sometimes be about self-worth. Individuals may seek out validation, desirability, or autonomy—using an affair to feel more confident or in control.

6. Situation

Some infidelities are opportunistic. Alcohol, stress, travel, or poor judgment can lead someone to act in ways they normally wouldn’t.

7. Neglect

This overlaps with “lack of love” but focuses more on feeling ignored or emotionally abandoned. It’s the sense that a partner is physically present but emotionally checked out.

8. Variety

Finally, some people are simply wired for novelty. They may be comfortable with non-monogamy or crave new experiences, but without explicit agreements in place, their actions become betrayal.

Selterman and colleagues found that these motivations not only shaped the reasons people gave for cheating—but also influenced how long the affair lasted, whether they confessed, and whether their primary relationship survived.

Affairs may look the same on the surface—but their roots (and outcomes) can be worlds apart.

Not All Affairs Are the Same

Let’s take two hypothetical scenarios:

• Someone cheats because they feel lonely, neglected, and emotionally disconnected from their spouse.

• Someone else cheats after a few too many drinks at a work event, with no prior intention or emotional attachment.

  
  

Both are forms of infidelity—but they tell very different stories. The first is a symptom of relational erosion. The second is a situational lapse in judgment. The path forward—whether that’s healing the relationship, separating, or rebuilding trust—will look different depending on the context.

As therapists, we often see that how an affair started can say a lot about how (and if) a couple can repair. And that’s why personalized care is so critical. There’s no script for recovery—and no one-size-fits-all narrative that explains why people cheat.

How Affairs Impact Emotions, Sex, and Relationship Outcomes

The Selterman study also revealed fascinating data about how people feel during and after an affair:

• People who cheated due to lack of love or neglect were more likely to experience emotional satisfaction and say “I love you” to their affair partner.

• Those driven by sexual desire or variety were more likely to report high sexual satisfaction—but less emotional intimacy.

• Affairs driven by situational factors were shorter, less satisfying, and more likely to remain secret.

• People who cheated due to anger or emotional pain were more likely to confess and more likely to break up with their primary partner afterward.

  
  

This aligns with what I often see in my practice: motivation matters. Understanding what led to the infidelity is the first step in deciding whether to stay, rebuild, or part ways.

Infidelity Isn’t Always a Symptom of a “Bad Relationship”

One of the biggest myths about cheating is that it only happens in unhappy relationships. But that’s not always true.

Some people cheat even when they love their partner. Some are sexually satisfied at home. Some are blindsided by their own behavior, unsure how it even happened.

That’s because cheating is often about more than the relationship itself—it can also be about the individual’s internal landscape. Their history with attachment, trauma, self-worth, or even their beliefs about sex and monogamy.

It’s not an excuse—but it is an explanation. And explanations are what help people heal.

Processing pain is the first step toward healing and growth. You’re stronger than you know.

What To Do If You’ve Been Affected by Infidelity

Whether you’re reeling from betrayal or grappling with guilt, the aftermath of infidelity is one of the most disorienting emotional experiences you can have. But it can also be a portal into deeper healing—if you have the right support.

If You’ve Been Cheated On:

• Give yourself permission to feel everything. There’s no “right” way to react.

• Don’t rush your decision. You don’t need to decide today if you’re staying or leaving.

• Seek support. Therapy can help you sort through the pain and rebuild your sense of trust—whether in your partner or in yourself.

  
  

If You’ve Cheated:

• Take responsibility. Even if your relationship was struggling, the choice to cheat was still yours.

• Get curious, not just ashamed. Ask yourself: What was I really seeking? Was it love, attention, freedom, excitement?

• Be honest about your intentions. Are you willing to rebuild trust—or do you feel done?

Therapy after infidelity offers a safe space to understand, heal, and rebuild with compassion and tailored support.

What Therapy Looks Like After Infidelity

When a new client reaches out, I know it’s often taken a lot of courage to do so. During the intake process, I aim to make things feel as grounded and welcoming as possible. We’ll start with a brief phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit. If it feels aligned, I’ll send you intake forms and schedule our first full session.

That first session is about understanding what brought you here and what you’re hoping to change or explore. I’ll ask some questions to get a sense of your relationship dynamics, sexual history (at your comfort level), and any challenges or patterns you’ve noticed. It’s not about judgment—it’s about getting the full picture so I can tailor our work together to your needs. You’ll also have space to ask me anything about my style or approach.

Once care has been established, our work becomes more tailored, intentional, and growth-focused. You can expect sessions that are supportive, insightful, and sometimes a little bit uncomfortable—in the best way. My role is to walk alongside you, offering compassion and consistency while also inviting you to stretch beyond old patterns that may be holding you back.

I use a mix of Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and EMDR, depending on your needs. Whether you’re healing from betrayal, navigating mismatched desire, or figuring out if your relationship can recover—I’m here to help you move forward, with clarity and compassion.

I offer virtual sessions throughout California, and in-person intensives in Mission Viejo.

Final Thoughts: Infidelity as a Wake-Up Call

The Coldplay kiss scandal may fade from the headlines, but the questions it raises remain relevant: Why do people risk everything for an affair? What are they seeking—and can they find it without betrayal?

Infidelity is not the end of the story—it’s an inflection point. A moment where we can examine our needs, our relationships, and our capacity for truth, repair, and growth.

Whether you’re navigating the wreckage or trying to prevent it, know this: you are not alone, and you are not beyond healing.

And feel free to check out my YouTube video on this topic!

References

• Lammers, J., Stoker, J. I., Jordan, J., Pollmann, M., & Stapel, D. A. (2011). Power increases infidelity among men and women. Psychological Science, 22(9), 1191–1197. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611416252

• Selterman, D., Garcia, J. R., & Tsapelas, I. (2021). What Do People Do, Say, and Feel When They Have Affairs? Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 47(3), 238–252. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2020.1856987

• PR Newswire. (2024). Infidelity Statistics: U.S. Tops the Cheating Charts While 31% of Affairs Involve a Co-Worker. https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/infidelity-statistics-us-tops-the-cheating-charts-while-31-of-affairs-involve-a-co-worker-302241988.html

If you’re ready to explore what’s next for you or your relationship, I invite you to reach out. Healing is possible—and you don’t have to do it alone.

About the author

Dr. Holly is a leading expert in sexual health based in Orange County, certified as both a clinical sexologist and AASECT sex therapist. With extensive experience in sex therapy, sexual wellness, and relationship counseling, Holly provides evidence-based insights to clients in Orange County, the state of California and beyond. Recognized for expertise in sexual trauma recovery, sexual dysfunction, and intimacy, Holly is dedicated to empowering individuals with practical advice and research-backed strategies. For more, follow Holly for expert advice on sexual health and relationships.

Visit www.thehollywoodsexologist.com to learn more and request a consultation.