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  • Writer's pictureHolly Wood

Am I Queer Enough?

Hello and Happy Pride! Today, we're diving into a question that many in the LGBTQ+ community might find themselves asking: "Am I queer enough?" This question, laden with self-doubt and societal expectations, can be a significant emotional burden. So let's unpack this together. By the end of this discussion, I hope you'll feel affirmed in your unique journey and confident in your identity, whatever that may be!

Understanding Queerness

Queerness is a broad, inclusive term that encompasses a range of sexual orientations and gender identities that do not conform to heterosexual or cisgender norms. According to the American Psychological Association, being queer can mean identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, or any other non-heteronormative identity (APA, 2015). It's a fluid and personal experience, unique to each individual.

The Spectrum of Sexuality and Gender

Sexuality and gender exist on a spectrum, a concept supported by the groundbreaking work of Alfred Kinsey in the mid-20th century. The Kinsey Scale, introduced in 1948, was one of the first tools to acknowledge that human sexuality is not binary but rather a continuum (Kinsey et al., 1948). This spectrum approach has been further validated by contemporary research, such as that by Dr. Lisa Diamond, who found that sexual fluidity (ie: the concept that an individual’s sexual orientation can change over time and in different contexts) is a natural part of many people's experiences (Diamond, 2008). Unlike the traditional view that sexual orientation is a fixed trait, sexual fluidity acknowledges that a person’s attractions can be dynamic and flexible.

Internalized Binaries and Societal Expectations

The question "Am I queer enough?" often stems from internalized binaries and societal expectations. Many people feel pressure to fit into specific categories or meet certain criteria to validate their queerness. However, queerness is not a competition or a checklist. It's about how you identify and what feels true to you.

Research by Dr. Meg-John Barker, a psychologist and queer theorist, highlights that the pressure to conform to certain queer norms can lead to feelings of inadequacy and exclusion (Barker, 2016). Instead, embracing a self-defined identity is crucial. Your queerness is valid, no matter how you express it or whom you love.

Community and Belonging

Feeling "queer enough" is also tied to the sense of belonging within the LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Kristen Renn’s research emphasizes the importance of community for LGBTQ+ individuals, noting that feeling accepted and supported by others who share similar experiences is crucial for mental health and well-being (Renn, 2010).

Finding your community, whether it's through local LGBTQ+ groups, online forums, or social media, can provide the validation and support you might seek. It's about connecting with others who understand and affirm your identity.

Personal Narratives and the Power of Stories

Sharing and hearing personal narratives can be incredibly powerful. Each person's journey with their queer identity is unique, and hearing diverse stories can help us see the myriad ways queerness can manifest. The Trevor Project's "Coming Out: A Handbook for LGBTQ Young People" includes stories and advice from LGBTQ+ individuals of various backgrounds, illustrating the diversity within the community (The Trevor Project, 2020).

So, are you queer enough?

The answer is a resounding yes. There is no one way to be queer. Your identity is valid and important, regardless of how it aligns with others' expectations or societal norms. Embrace your unique journey, and know that you are a valuable part of the LGBTQ+ community.


  • American Psychological Association. (2015). Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming People. Retrieved from APA.

  • Barker, M.-J. (2016). Queer: A Graphic History. Icon Books.

  • Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire. Harvard University Press.

  • Kinsey, A. C., Pomeroy, W. B., & Martin, C. E. (1948). Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. W.B. Saunders.

  • Renn, K. A. (2010). LGBT and Queer Research in Higher Education: The State and Status of the Field. Educational Researcher, 39(2), 132-141.

  • The Trevor Project. (2020). Coming Out: A Handbook for LGBTQ Young People. Retrieved from The Trevor Project.

About the author

Holly Wood is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT), an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology (ABS). This unique combination of credentials enables her to focus on clients’ sex lives as well as their overall mental health and trauma recovery.

Holly works with individuals and couples who have been looking forward to meeting their own sexual desires both individually and in relationships. She works from a trauma-informed, sex-positive, and holistic approach to help clients to get past their past and develop the necessary skills to achieve lifelong change and improve their quality of life.

When she is not counseling clients, she is holding seminars and workshops, conducting sex research or, or utilizing social media to disseminate accurate, up-to-date information to a wide range of audiences hoping to improve their sexual wellness. Holly's mission is to spread education, empowerment, and self-love. She is committed to helping people heal themselves and live a life full of pleasure and connection.


Visit to learn more and request a consultation.

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