Shocking Sex Myths You Won't Believe Are FALSE!

Sex is one of the most misunderstood topics in our culture. From unrealistic expectations to downright damaging misconceptions, sex myths can create shame, anxiety, and confusion in both individuals and relationships. As a certified sex and relationship therapist based in Orange County, I see these myths show up in my therapy office all the time—and they can wreak havoc on people’s sexual confidence, satisfaction, and connection.

Today, I’m busting the most stubborn sex myths that just won’t die. So whether you’re looking to improve your sexual wellness, strengthen your relationships, or just want the facts (without the B.S.), keep reading. And if you'd rather watch than read, feel free to check out my YouTube video on this topic! 

Myth #1: Losing Your Virginity Changes Your Body

Let’s start with the big one—virginity. The idea that losing your virginity physically changes your body is a persistent and harmful myth. Virginity is a social and cultural construct, not a medical or biological event. And that hymen myth? Totally misleading. The hymen is a thin membrane that may or may not partially cover the vaginal opening, but it doesn’t “break” like a seal. It can stretch or tear through everyday activities like biking, gymnastics, or using a tampon. Some people are even born without one. No physical, magical transformation happens when you have sex for the first time. It’s time we stop attaching shame and morality to this outdated concept.

Myth #2: Orgasms Should Always Happen Through Penetration

If this were true, a lot of people with vulvas would never experience orgasm. Research shows otherwise. A 2017 study found that 36.6% of people with vulvas report clitoral stimulation is necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional 36% report that while not necessary, clitoral stimulation makes their orgasms significantly more pleasurable.

The clitoris is key. In fact, most vulva-owners don’t orgasm from penetration alone. Prioritizing external stimulation—through touch, oral sex, or toys—is not only normal, it’s essential for many people to experience sexual satisfaction.

The orgasm gap is real: In heterosexual encounters, people with vulvas orgasm significantly less often than their partners—highlighting the need to prioritize clitoral stimulation and pleasure-focused sex.

Myth #3: Men Have High Sex Drives, Women Have Low Ones

This is one of the most damaging myths I see in my Orange County practice. Sexual desire isn’t dictated by gender—it’s personal, and it fluctuates.

Many women have high libidos, and plenty of men have lower ones. Factors like stress, hormones, relationship satisfaction, and emotional connection can all impact desire. The stereotype that all men are always in the mood and all women aren’t creates unrealistic expectations and can harm relationships.

Myth #4: Only Men Watch Porn

Newsflash: People of all genders watch and enjoy porn. According to Pornhub’s 2024 Annual Year in Review, 38% of their global viewers were female, and female viewership jumped by 7% in the past year alone. The myth that porn is a “guy thing” is outdated and rooted in societal shame around female pleasure. People of all genders have the right to explore their sexuality—including through adult content—without shame or stigma.

Women watch porn too!

Myth #5: Only Men Get Erections

This one bugs me a lot. Erections aren’t exclusive to penises. People with vulvas also experience what’s called clitoral erection. The clitoris is made of erectile tissue, just like the penis. When aroused, it fills with blood, becomes engorged, and more sensitive. Understanding that arousal is a full-body, multi-system process can open the door to better sexual satisfaction and connection.

Myth #6: Lube Is Only for Older People

Let me say this loud and clear—lube is for everyone. Whether you’re 22 or 72, lube can make sex more comfortable, reduce friction, and increase pleasure. Vaginal dryness isn’t limited to menopause; it can be caused by medications, stress, breastfeeding, or your menstrual cycle. In my therapy practice, I encourage clients of all ages to see lube as a pleasure enhancer, not just a “medical” product.

Lube is for everyone!

Myth #7: Sex Drive Is Always Spontaneous

Not everyone experiences spontaneous desire, where you just randomly feel in the mood. Many people, especially those in long-term relationships, experience responsive desire, where arousal comes after intimacy, touch, or sexual stimulation—not before. This is totally normal! Think of it like an oven versus a microwave. Some people heat up slowly, and some heat up fast—both are valid. This is a key concept in modern sex therapy, supported by the Basson Sexual Response Model (Basson, 2000), which reframes desire as something that can emerge through intimacy and emotional connection.

Myth #8: Good Sex = Orgasm

If orgasm was the only goal, we’d be missing out on so much pleasure. While orgasms are wonderful, sex isn’t just about “getting there.” It’s about connection, exploration, intimacy, and play. Putting too much pressure on achieving orgasm can actually make it harder to experience. I encourage my clients to focus on the journey, not just the destination.

Myth #9: Your Vagina Gets Loose If You Have a Lot of Partners

This one is pure slut-shaming, and it’s medically inaccurate. The vagina is a muscular, elastic organ. It stretches and returns to its natural shape—whether from sex, childbirth, or just everyday living. No amount of sexual partners will “loosen” your vagina. This myth is rooted in misogyny and attempts to control female sexuality. Let’s leave it in the past where it belongs.

Myth #10: You Can Tell If Someone Is Sexually Active Just By Looking at Them

No, you cannot. There are no physical signs that someone is sexually active—not in their body, face, or behavior. This harmful myth fuels purity culture, sexism, and stigma. Let’s stop making assumptions about people’s sexual history and respect their privacy.

Why Busting These Myths Matters

Misinformation about sex can have serious consequences—fueling shame, fear, and insecurity, while keeping people from enjoying healthy, satisfying sexual experiences. As a certified sex therapist, I help individuals and couples challenge these myths and replace them with real, evidence-based knowledge. Understanding your body, your desires, and your unique sexual identity is empowering—and it’s key to creating the sex life you want and deserve.

Ready to Ditch the Myths and Embrace Real Sexual Wellness?

If these myths hit home, and you’re looking for support in unlearning harmful beliefs and cultivating a healthier, more pleasurable sex life, I can help. I offer sex and relationship therapy for individuals and couples across Orange County and the state of California.

If this blog resonated with you, don’t forget to check out my YouTube video on this topic and subscribe for more insights on sexual health and intimacy. And if you’re ready to start therapy, reach out today.

YouTube: Shocking Sex Myths You Won't Believe Are FALSE!

References:

• Basson, R. (2000). The female sexual response: A different model. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 26(1), 51-65.

• Pornhub. (2024). Annual Year in Review. Retrieved from Pornhub Insights

• Herbenick, D., et al. (2017). Women's experiences with orgasm during intercourse: Findings from a U.S. probability sample. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 43(4), 369-383.

  
  

About the author

Holly is a leading expert in sexual health based in Orange County, certified as both a clinical sexologist and AASECT sex therapist. With Ph.D. studies in Human Sexuality and extensive experience in sex therapy, sexual wellness, and relationship counseling, Holly provides evidence-based insights to clients in Orange County, the state of California and beyond. Recognized for expertise in libido, sexual dysfunction, and intimacy, Holly is dedicated to empowering individuals with practical advice and research-backed strategies. For more, follow Holly for expert advice on sexual health and relationships.

Visit www.thehollywoodsexologist.com to learn more and request a consultation.